Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
