I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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