I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
