First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize