Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
