Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
