I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
