Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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