Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Are we still banned from the library?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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