Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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