quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize