did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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