what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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