I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
