fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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