wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
