Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
