I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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