You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
