Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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