I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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