Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
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