Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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