She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
