U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
