I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm always down for nudity.
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