Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
