That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
