I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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