good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
