i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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