Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
