My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
