scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
