he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
