aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
