omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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