he wants to bone in the snuggie
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
