We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
