mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
