We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Success! We fucked roommates!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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