i can't believe i had my finger in that
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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