In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
