i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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