The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
