Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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