I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
