Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
