How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
"it" just moved
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
