I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
