see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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