Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Someone signed my nipple.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
