dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
