I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize