So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize