I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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