I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
