I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
