I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
