I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he was CRYING into my vagina
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize