You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
