Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
40s are totally the cure
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
