i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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