Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
