this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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