sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Randomize
