remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
