Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize