I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
